i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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