Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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