We're like a lot better than the average bears
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
