Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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