I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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