Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
