I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
