Will you blow on my dice?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
