Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
