halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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