i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
