I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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