i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
