So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
