it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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