it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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