yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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