i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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