i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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