So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
