love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
