u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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