Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
