Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
His nipple licking is glorious
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