Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
