I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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