I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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