gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
