Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
