bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
