his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
