pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
