using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
