so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
