that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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