It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
