i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
