I need to stop coming to work sober
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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