dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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