Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
