apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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