hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
