Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
