I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
