is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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