My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
