why didn't you poke me back
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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