we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
