my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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