he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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