The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
