please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
