if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
