Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
