My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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