It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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