Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
this boner is exhausting
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
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