I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
