I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
