Kiss
Puke
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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