Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
