He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
