Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
