When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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