I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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