Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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