Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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