sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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