i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
