party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
