just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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