The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
