we made out on top of his cat.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
