ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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