you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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