he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
