I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
