So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
