At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
