I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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