I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize