my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
